In long-term relationships, major life changes are all but inevitable. People evolve, outside circumstances can have huge impacts on careers, finances, and beyond… As couples age, health problems may arise, the kids grow up and embark on their own journeys… In short, staying together over many years means you’ll have to navigate these kinds of changes and challenges together. 

Unfortunately, even positive changes come with a certain degree of stress. The most exciting career opportunities or family “wins” require sacrifice, compromise, communication, and getting used to a new life landscape. Less “positive” life changes can be even more stressful, from caring for aging parents to financial setbacks, all the way to natural disasters or losing loved ones. 

All of these scenarios can put serious strain on relationships – or, armed with the right tools and mentality, they can be an opportunity to support one another, navigate challenges with grace, and even grow closer together. 

With that in mind, let’s take a look at some guidelines for navigating major life changes together.

1. Remember That You’re a Team

First and foremost, remember that relationships are partnerships. What happens to one of you is essentially “happening to both of you.” If you view life changes through this lens, you can recognize that anger, resentment, or blame do little but make the situation worse – and that if you combine your efforts to “solve the problem” (even if that’s just accepting the circumstances and moving forward) can benefit from two peoples’ time, energy, and intellect. 

If you disagree about a particular course of action, have different reactions to an unforeseen event, or think you have to face a problem alone, return to this idea of being a “team.” It may take compromise or deliberate discussion to get on the same page, but if you can establish that you and your partner ultimately have shared goals and truly care about one another’s wellbeing, it will serve as a critical reminder that you’re facing challenges and changes as a unit – and there is incredible strength in unity.

As the saying goes, two heads (and hearts) are better than one!

2. Clear Communication

Communication skills extend across all aspects of your relationship, but they are particularly important in times of major change or crisis. This includes not only being candid about your fears, concerns, and doubts, but also about your excitement, hopes, and feelings of accomplishment. 

If, for example, a promotion at work means a change in schedule and disruption of your usual routine, communicating to your spouse that you’re excited for the new responsibilities may help them manage worries about the coming changes. Conversely, if you can clearly express your frustrations or fears about caring for an ailing family member, your partner will build a deeper understanding about any avoidance or hesitance in your behavior. 

The point here is to express the highs and lows of how changes make you feel, your personal ideas about how to navigate them, and lean on one another for both support and alternative viewpoints. Change can be scary, but it is far more manageable with a sounding board and support system. The more openly, honestly, and articulately you can communicate about the changes you’re facing, the better you’ll be able to understand where each of you are coming from – and the more prepared you’ll each be to provide support and guidance. 

3. Patience and Flexibility

Any period of change is going to include some uncharted territory. In times of flux, patience is essential because the full weight of your new circumstances can only emerge over time. The first days or weeks of a new scenario – a new job, a new home, new activities for the kids, a new health challenge, etc. – will be a learning curve, and you won’t fully know how you feel about the change at hand until you settle in and gain some familiarity.

Similarly, flexibility in both action and attitude makes navigating changes less daunting. Instead of adhering to a rigid set of expectations, you can move fluidly through the new circumstances, all the while accepting that some of it will be uncomfortable (or at least unfamiliar). 

When you and your spouse (or partner) share this approach, you can also help keep one another on track when frustrations mount or rigid thinking starts to creep in. 

Of course, each and every major life change you face will have its own specifics. Some changes will be far more difficult to navigate, while others will be joyous and net-positive events that help your relationship flourish. In either case, the principles of teamwork, communication, and flexibility will serve the stability of your relationship year after year, change after change. 

For guidance navigating major life changes, support, and more tools to help your relationship thrive, contact Invest Couples Therapy today!