Every relationship is unique, with its own challenges, personalities, demands, and dynamics, but among all of the variables that can shape a marriage, similar issues show up time and time again for couples across ages, backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, and beyond. Today, we’re looking at five common issues married couples face, and how working with a therapist can help. 

1. Money

Money concerns are the single most common issue that causes strife between couples. From disagreements about spending habits to lack of transparency in budgeting or income, arguments about finances are often high-stress and difficult to resolve. 

Simply put, money is a major source of stress for just about everyone! It can be hard to earn and hard to save, and because it plays such a central role in basic survival, it’s no wonder that tensions flare when spouses aren’t seeing eye to eye. 

The specifics of money disagreements can take many forms. For example, one partner could be the primary breadwinner and treat the family income as their sole domain, with little concern for how the other person may feel about it. Alternatively, other couples might have shared, mutually earned income but vastly different approaches to saving or spending. Debt, extracurricular activities for the kids, expensive hobbies, home improvements, vacations… There are so many things to spend money on beyond necessities, and if couples aren’t on the same page about their priorities, the whole topic quickly becomes an issue.

Fortunately, a couples therapist is an excellent resource for sorting out money disagreements. Not only can therapy be a place to vent frustrations and speak plainly about finances with an impartial moderator, it can also be a great starting point for developing budgets, finding compromise, and taking a big step back from arguments to get a holistic view of both parties’ attitudes, triggers, and goals around money. 

2. Communication

Effective, honest communication is a skill that far too many couples never quite learn. When marital communication fails – or just isn’t as robust as it could be – it’s easy for resentment to build, for needs and wants to go unmet, and for problems to stay buried long enough to fester into serious, relationship-threatening issues.  

Couples therapists are skilled communicators who make it a priority to teach these skills to those in their care. Having a neutral third party to identify when couples are avoiding certain topics, masking their true feelings, deflecting, lashing out, and so on means unpacking communication issues at their root causes. Other marriage problems are made worse by poor communication, but learning these valuable skills can also be the path to handling all relationship “bumps in the road” with grace and empathy. 

3. Intimacy and Sex

For many couples, sex and intimacy can be difficult to maintain over years of marriage. They may have experienced a period of infatuation and frequent sex, but that has a way of naturally fading with time. Still, the sexual side of a marriage is important for both the physical needs of human beings and the deep emotional trust that helps healthy marriages thrive. 

While the right balance of sex might look different for everyone, even between the couple, a therapist can help identify problems, facilitate difficult discussions, and offer constructive suggestions to help couples rekindle the intimacy they may have lost. 

4. Trust

Trust is at the heart of healthy relationships, but if it’s broken (or eroded through small actions), it can be incredibly difficult to repair – especially without help. Breaches of trust come in many forms, from major events like infidelity to less obvious, subtle dishonesty like “white lies” or omitting details. Regardless of the reasons, a lack of trust drives a wedge into the marriage. 

When couples don’t trust one another, they don’t communicate effectively, they can’t be vulnerable enough to engage in true intimacy, and the emotional space between them continues to grow. 

Repairing this kind of damage takes time and patience, but with the assistance of a couples therapist, individuals can examine their past behaviors to understand the root causes of their dishonesty. 

For many couples, the reasons underscoring broken trust are rooted in fears, unmet needs, risk-taking, and other psychological factors that feel like cruelty or malice from their spouse’s perspective. By working through these issues together (guided by a counselor), couples often learn things about themselves and one another that allow them to move beyond past injuries and gradually rebuild the trust that keeps them connected.  Contact Invest Couples Therapy for more information!